Mumbai : While the entire B-town and all of Amitabh Bachchan’s fans celebrated the legendary actor’s birthday with gusto, the man himself decided to keep it a low key affair.  Apart from thanking everyone on social media for the wishes he also revealed why he chose not to celebrate his 75th birthday in a pompous way.

The Megastar wrote a long note on his personal blog explaining how the meaning of celebration has changed for him over the years. Here’s what Big B had to say in his long winding note:

“October 11 .. for years and years this date has remained with me at endless moments .. its description its presence its significance, valued and absorbed through 75 years of existence, brought great expectation and prize .. as the young we waited for the moment to arrive to wear those newly stitched clothing, that special attention, the special food and by the end of the day that party where the birthday boy would walk up to his invited guests and ask :

“what present have you brought for me ..?”. It was the ultimate innocence of those childhood years ..

After 75 years, you run away from it all .. there is apprehension and embarrassment of celebration .. of what expression to be worn and where .. to what must there be celebration of gift .. and the list of guests to be in proper shades of etiquette .. the care and hospitality, the personal touch of host formality, the …

Many objects and lists and meetings later .. it merely succumbs to the ultimate argument .. all this for getting a year closer to the final closure .. !!

And today as I sit by myself in elated company of the near and the dear .. listen and read and get enveloped by the reams of praise and effects that my presence has supposedly created .. there is fear ..

A fear of losing myself ..

When I read and listen and see .. the accolades disturb me .. the analysis frightens me .. you mean that is what I meant to all that have spoken .. you mean that is how I behave in company and without .. you mean that is what is going on in the minds of those that work with me or around me ..
DAMN .. that is ridiculous .. for in one fell stroke an entire personal property and persona, has been evacuated from its moorings and now there is no vacant slot to bind the ropes again to this rather large vessel created by all of them that have come aboard .. for now when I behave I am justified in thinking, that so and so attitude is coming alive and that the other kind of bearing is under some pressure of kind and matter ..

It has all been played out by them that have spoken and spent time with and around me .. and I am distraught .. I will never be able to be ‘me’ again ..

So does it really matter, or do we have an opportunity here to defeat what has been observed by the one around .. no buddy you have it all wrong .. I am far removed from what has been observed by people who work with me .. there description caters to what they feel and describe .. it cannot surely be what the intent of the main is .. can it .. .. it could all have been a facade, played out to perfection .. nothing that was recorded or noticed by the other was even remotely correct ..

Yes that could be one way of slipping away from the situation .. but then .. if that is the fear .. there has to be an antidote for its reversal .. and the reversal is to be what one is and let the others be of test to find that whatever they had imagined or paid great attention to and sealed the observation in the mightiest of non combustible products, is in fact the biggest fraud committed .. the reality is something else .. unknown unseen and unheard .. that would surely throw everyone in a tizzy ..

I am in some conciliation .. I am still the self I was and am .. what others may have thought seen or believed is really their issue, not mine .. I shall still have the liberty to my own behaviour, without those elastic fasteners, that were designed to pull things together .. to allow it the flexibility of freedom, yet pulled back with some dexterity, when matters went out of control ..