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The Road to Divorce: Potholes to Avoid in Marriages
Given today’s casual dating culture, troubled marriages and high divorce rates, one cannot help but wonder whether the institution of marriage and harmonious relationships are a fallacy. The simple truth, however, is that it’s a conscious effort.
Ishdeep Sawhney, CEO and Founder, Banihal, which helps people connect, lists three tricks the unconscious plays in a healthy and loving relationship — and how they are harmful.
* Keeping a secret: We have a unique experience of the world so that inherently makes our moments our secret memories. The secrets in a relationship that should be avoided are the ones that define our personal self-image. Let’s say, you have been married for a year and one day you get an email from an ex who was not significant in your life — and you delete that email. At this time, there is potential for a secret to be created if you acknowledge that your current relationship is a source of discomfort. If the email is something you would not think twice about later then it doesn’t become a secret. Secrecy creates a breach in the relationship through solitary reflection and avoiding feedback. The fix for a secret is to agree to the facts and listen to your partner as they get comfortable with it as well.
* Agreeing to a false story: My wife enjoys many things but driving the kids to school is not her idea of fun. When it’s time to drop our son to school, she sometimes — especially if she is running late — asks for help. I would mostly do so. However, on one occasion, when she asked me drop our son when it was her turn to do so, I got upset as I thought that she did not value my time. That was a false judgment that arose from a disagreement that took place a day before and came from residual emotions that had generated a thought that was an extreme assessment from the facts. I discarded the thought as baseless before it could take hold. It is accumulation of these thoughts that causes the narrative to drift further from reality. These instant stories that come without any effort to justify our current emotion are independent of facts and reality.
* Being the authority for justice: We are human and we all make mistakes. In a relationship, sometimes one person might take an action that has bad consequences for their partner. Let us suppose that parents of one spouse are sick and live in a different city. That person wants to go be with the parents for three months and the other partner objects to the trip citing reasons like work, kids or the timing of it. The other person could feel cheated and decide on a tit-for-tat fight and not cooperate on other daily activities. A deeper understanding of our desire to be the authority and dole out justice might be more helpful in letting the emotion gradually get weaker and not acting on it.
As human beings our brains are wired to choose instant gratification. We punish people who deceive and can go to the extent of suffering a personal loss to make sure justice is served. However, this need to punish in the moment cannot balance the toll it will take on our long-term relationship with our partner and balance it against all the good from the past and in the future. The way forward in this scenario is to recognise and let this primal emotion run its course and then calmly make progress.
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Dr. Abhishek Verma Dedicates a Shelter in Memory of His Mother, Veena Verma, at KGMU; Inaugurated by Daughter Nicolle Verma
World-renowned business tycoon Dr. Abhishek Verma has supported Foodman Vishal Singh’s Hunger-Free World mission. In memory of his mother, Late Veena Verma, who was a 3 term Rajya Sabha MP.
Dr. Verma dedicated a state-of-the-art free permanent shelter for the attendants of patients at KGMU Medical University, Lucknow, under the aegis of Vijay Shree Foundation. His daughter, Nicolle Verma, inaugurated the shelter.
During the event, Foodman Vishal Singh honored Nicolle Verma by presenting her with a memento. Mrs. Nidhi Sharma and Avantika Yadav, associated with the organization, welcomed her with garlands. Following this, Nicolle Verma distributed essential items to the attendants and also handed out fruits. She became emotional remembering her grandmother on her birth anniversary.
On this occasion, she also inaugurated the “Veena Verma Sevalaya” in memory of her grandmother, Veena Verma, to serve the attendants. She expressed, “I feel proud that my family is engaged in nation-building as well as social service. Today, in collaboration with Vijay Shree Foundation founder Foodman Vishal Singh Ji, I feel immensely proud to dedicate this shelter for the poor, helpless, and needy attendants of patients battling serious illnesses like cancer. I am honored to be associated with the Hunger-Free World Mission for humanity.”
Inspired by the continuous humanitarian service provided by Vijay Shree Foundation over the past 17 years, Nicolle Verma donated 10 lakh rupees to support the cause. The purpose of this donation is to ensure that services continue for the needy attendants of patients suffering from severe illnesses in hospitals, as facilitated by Foodman Vishal Singh.
It is noteworthy that Dr. Abhishek Verma’s family has a legacy of public and philanthropic service. They are helping millions to carry forward the values and service work of their parents. On the occasion of his mother’s birth anniversary, Dr. Abhishek Verma dedicated this state-of-the-art permanent shelter at Lucknow Medical College to serve the attendants of patients through the Vijay Shree Foundation.
Supporting Foodman Vishal Singh’s Hunger-Free World mission, Dr. Abhishek Verma assured that he would continually support keeping this flame of humanity alive. He also promised to assist in providing medicines to the helpless patients.
Continuing her grandmother’s legacy of service, Nicolle Verma personally served food to the needy patients and attendants. She said, “It is our good fortune to have received the joy of doing this noble work today through Foodman Vishal Singh. I have taken another step forward in carrying my family’s values and cooperation by joining hands with the Vijay Shree Foundation. My father taught me to serve and help the needy, and I feel happy when I bring a smile to someone’s face.”
On the birth anniversary of the late Veena Verma, the event organizer, Vijay Shree Foundation founder Foodman Vishal Singh, said, “We feel proud and happy that Dr. Abhishek Verma, a globally renowned business tycoon, has extended his support to uplift our country from the hunger index. Today, on his mother’s birth anniversary, he inaugurated a state-of-the-art permanent shelter at Lucknow Medical College, which will always be helpful for the needy attendants of patients. It is a pleasure for me and the organization to receive the affection of Mr. Verma.”
The event was attended by General Manager Verma Family Office Hemant Garg, Sonu Rajput, and the organization’s volunteers, including Sandeep Singh, Parmeshwar Ji, Prashant Rao Gautam, Balram Singh, Ramesh Chaudhary, Suman, Jeetu, Anil, Suraj, Vinay, Manish Bhadauria, Manas Mehrotra, Vivek, Apurv, Happy, and others.
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Dr. Abhishek Verma Dedicates a Shelter in Memory of His Mother, Veena Verma, at KGMU; Inaugurated by Daughter Nicolle Verma
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